Part of This
by sue-sylvester-shuffle
Summary: "I always wanted to stand beside you at the altar. I guess this is the next best thing." C/J slash, set during season seven-ish. c:


"Hey, Joey, you here?" Chandler pushed the door to Joey's apartment open, looking around. "I'm looking for some tape, Mon and I don't…" He trailed off when he saw his roommate.

Joey was sitting at the counter, staring at his computer screen with mournful eyes. The way his two front teeth were digging into his quavering bottom lip alerted Chandler to the fact that his best friend was about to cry.

"What's wrong, man?" Chandler rushed over and glanced at what was on the screen.

"I'm a minister now." Joey said numbly. "I can officiate the wedding."

"Well, that's great, Joe!" Chandler broke out in a huge grin. But Joey looked up at him, frowning, his eyes big and dark and not unlike a puppy dog's. Chandler's smile faded. "…Isn't it?"

"I guess." Joey shut the laptop and sighed, looking away from Chandler. The latter frowned too.

"Joe, is something wrong?" He put his hand on Joey's shoulder and immediately, the actor shied away, as if Chandler's touch burned him.

And then, all of a sudden, Joey spoke. In a quiet voice, so soft that you would never expect it to be filled with such hatred.

"You never thought about me when you married her, did you, Chan." Chandler wasn't sure how to respond. So he settled with, "What?"

Joey was silent for a few moments. Chandler was sure that the sound of his heart thumping against his ribcage would have broken the awkward silence, but it was instead broken by the Italian actor. "You didn't think about _us._"

Us.

Chandler was afraid of that word. It meant a whole lot more than a mere two-letter word should. It meant love, and romance.

It meant a _couple._

"We aren't an _us, _Joey." Chandler managed to say through the blanket of angst settling over his chest. "Not anymore."

Joey nodded tersely, still not meeting Chandler's gaze. "Still. You didn't think that, even after we broke up, I wouldn't still have feelings for you?"

"N-No, I… I thought we were done." stammered Chandler helplessly.

"I _knew _we were done." Joey snapped. "And it _hurt._"

Now it was Chandler's turn to be silent. He didn't want Joey to be mad at him. And still, he wasn't exactly sure _why _he was mad.

But Joey was about to make that very clear. "But whatever. So it didn't work out between us. I thought… I wanted that to be okay. But now you're marrying Monica, and I've just gotta say… You didn't think of my feelings, when you just threw away what we had like it was _nothing_."

Joey's words were like flames, leaping up and licking at Chandler's heart. He winced, but shook away the pain. "Why are you doing this, then?" he whispered. "Officiating our wedding, I mean. I don't get it, Joey. I thought I hurt you."

"You did." Joey replied bitterly. "But… I can't help it. I want you to be happy."

Pause.

"And I _hate _that."

Chandler felt a rush of guilt so intense that he swayed, and had to dig his palms into the counter to keep from crumpling to the ground. "I'm sorry." he breathed.

"No, it's fine." Joey put on a bleak smile; like a mask, unconvincing and false. "You never would've been as happy with me as you are with _her. _So I… I at least want to be a part of this."

"That means a lot to me, Joey." Chandler reached down and squeezed Joey's hand. "Thank you."

"Ah, well." A small twinge of wistfulness tugged at the corners of Joey's smile. "I always wanted to stand beside you at the altar. I guess this is the next best thing." And with that, he stood up and walked off, into his room.

Chandler was left reeling by Joey's words. They hurt; they packed a punch, that was for sure. He thought of them again and winced.

_I always wanted to stand beside you at the altar. I guess this is the next best thing. _

And all of a sudden, Chandler was imagining something. He and Joey, standing up there in their tuxedos. And _Monica _was there, officiating the wedding.

Years ago, when he and Joey were dating, that image would have excited him. Even for him, afraid of commitment, it would have made him happy to think about spending the rest of his life with the man he loved. But now, that image made him feel sick to his stomach. He was with Monica now. His relationship with Joey was a shadow that followed him everywhere, with everything he did with Monica. He just hoped that it wouldn't come between them.

Maybe Joey had been right.

Maybe it _wasn't _such a good idea for him to officiate their wedding.

end


End file.
